and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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