I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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