And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
