why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize