The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am one with the molecules
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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