and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
