yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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