I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
