As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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