so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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