She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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