I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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