fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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