I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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