i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Randomize
