Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
