i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
