if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
