Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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