So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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