we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
