She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
