Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
