all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize