forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
