Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My vagina just recognized that song.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
