People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
there's paper in my vomit.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
