Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
