I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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