R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
