we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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