I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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