so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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