so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
