I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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