R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
