My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You need Xanax blowdarts
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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