Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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