I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
