Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
