i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
