I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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