two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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