he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
