and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
