You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
