If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
