My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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