i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize