I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
