I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I could fuck to npr.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize