He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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