you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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