we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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