Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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