Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
