OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
