You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
