I hate all girls vehemently.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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