my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
