the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
