I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I just put wine in my tea
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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