i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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