You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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